Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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