I heard we made out
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
