you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
