i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
