I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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