I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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