buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
