I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How external is "for external use only"?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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