garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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