the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
