Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I forget how to act sober
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
