Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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