in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He passed out mid-signature
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
