So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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