Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
