cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
