I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
