so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize