I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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