My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
