yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my being single is dangerous.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
