dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
