I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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