Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
