Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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