everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
