I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
