can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
