When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
