Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
try to milk me bitch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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