I can text with my tongue
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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