We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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