dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
