I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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