so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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