apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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