Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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