Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
