You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
