i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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