Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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