if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
