I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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