Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
