i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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