Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
did i walk over a car last night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
