I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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