are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize