FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
