I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
