I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
