I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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