Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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