im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
