Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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