For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
