i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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