I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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