just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize