I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
