When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
