my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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