Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
