U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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