I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
