College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize