this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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