i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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