Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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