By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you had me at cake vodka
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
