soooo we both peed the bed last night...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
