Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
